I've managed to strike out one of the things I want to do after school's out. Yeah…. after a night of intense cleaning and packing up….

It's pack-my-room day and I've been procrastinating for the past 4 hours. It's past 8 already and I'm still lazing around. I'm so tired................

Forgetting you is exactly what I'm trying to do. So walk away.

For me, I never had a clue why I wanted to leave so badly. It was clear to me that I love him so much still and that I wanted all the best things for him. It was clear to me how dear he was and how important it meant to me for him to be in my life. It was all very very clear. But despite so, I can't go against the urge to walk away and not look back. I wanted to leave so badly despite feeling so much for him still and I couldn't understand why but I simply knew I had to. But I think I got a clue now.

"Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman." He didn't make me the better woman. Instead, he made me an angry, petty, horribly absurd woman and I just couldn't accept being that. When I realize how awful I have been, I began to want to rid myself off these things that made me who I am. So I walked away. I just decided that I couldn't live with that so I walked away. I mean, is it wrong to walk away from the things you dislike?

"Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman."

I know why I want to leave now.

At least there's good friendship in my life

I think there's this thing about taking late showers at night. It makes me feel different. Emotionally I mean. I think more and feel more after. It's like all my thoughts and emotions just mysteriously intensify. And I conclude that it's because it's late and I'm tired and the internet no longer serves me well for I have been using it for way too long today so it leads to this.

As the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. I couldn't agree better. It's usually in the late nights when you have nothing to do that your mind starts to wander off. Sometimes you think about the good parts in life then sometimes you think about the bad and then there's the sometimes where both the good and bad jumbles up and you're just stumped. Tonight I guess my mind wanders off to the bad part. You know, where I think about the incredibly complicated relationships I have and how I can make everything better but only to realize it's too late. It's all clear now that we have part and there's nothing better than distance and time to cure us off our pain. I used to believe that nothing can take away life's simplicity. Like it's all in your mind. It's true. It's still all in your mind. But of course a different set of mind now. Growing up changes everything. Complicates a lot of things. You think you know something then the next moment you just don't know anymore. Becoming adult is hard. 22 is hard. Tonight is hard. Boo.