Jack and if my hair is short.....

I am hibernating or to be exact, avoiding? See, the thing is I actually like going out just that I didn't want to commit much to my social network. I actually enjoy being alone right now (which is really weird for me) and I really prefer only hanging out with the very same people I hang out with every weekend. It's comfortable. In this case, I have zero connection with my ex-boyfriend whom I have agreed is the major source of the ineffable ache in my heart right now. It seems I appear to be really cruel and I don't disagree with that because truth is I really am right now but I'm really sorry because all of this seem necessary for me to feel okay again. Crazy isn't it?

I finally got my results today at 8 in the morning and I was so excited about it that I woke up automatically at 7:30 AM It wasn't any outstanding grade but I think it's sufficient to say it was a good outcome for me. Anyway, I'm glad I walked through it all and I know it seems cliché but I must say it was a really good learning experience. I mean, seriously, all that shit that has happened really makes me feel more like a stronger person right now.

Yeah… so now I'm just hoping this shit that I'm going through will help make me wiser and better. And to boost the outcome results I'm currently making use of my time being alone to not only help myself emotionally become better but physically too. So I came up with a exercise routine to complete 30 sit-ups and starts to do skipping like half an hour a day. And I've also created a new password protected tumblr with my name as it's url and I don't know how does this helps me be a better person but I'm just saying……

Mmmmmm…. now I'm contemplating if 30 sit-ups and half an hour of skipping would be too little for me who sleeps like what? 15 hours a day? Ahh…..

People are tired of thinking of the past, so you should forget it all. The most important thing now is to grasp the new opportunities that come your way.

I think it's easier for me to live if I never have to think about you again. You just break me apart into so many pieces that I don't feel like it's possible to feel complete again.

Anyway, it's a great saturday spent at the beach. And it would have been better if I didn't remind myself of you.

I believe it's true when they say that time heals everything. So the only reason why I'm still so upset must be because time has not pass long enough for me to heal. So I'm gonna wait. Patiently. Until the time when everything you say or do won't hurt so much anymore. "Good things come to those who wait" I shall wait.

There's always a price to pay.

I've managed to strike out one of the things I want to do after school's out. Yeah…. after a night of intense cleaning and packing up….

It's pack-my-room day and I've been procrastinating for the past 4 hours. It's past 8 already and I'm still lazing around. I'm so tired................

Forgetting you is exactly what I'm trying to do. So walk away.

For me, I never had a clue why I wanted to leave so badly. It was clear to me that I love him so much still and that I wanted all the best things for him. It was clear to me how dear he was and how important it meant to me for him to be in my life. It was all very very clear. But despite so, I can't go against the urge to walk away and not look back. I wanted to leave so badly despite feeling so much for him still and I couldn't understand why but I simply knew I had to. But I think I got a clue now.

"Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman." He didn't make me the better woman. Instead, he made me an angry, petty, horribly absurd woman and I just couldn't accept being that. When I realize how awful I have been, I began to want to rid myself off these things that made me who I am. So I walked away. I just decided that I couldn't live with that so I walked away. I mean, is it wrong to walk away from the things you dislike?

"Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman."

I know why I want to leave now.

At least there's good friendship in my life

I think there's this thing about taking late showers at night. It makes me feel different. Emotionally I mean. I think more and feel more after. It's like all my thoughts and emotions just mysteriously intensify. And I conclude that it's because it's late and I'm tired and the internet no longer serves me well for I have been using it for way too long today so it leads to this.

As the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. I couldn't agree better. It's usually in the late nights when you have nothing to do that your mind starts to wander off. Sometimes you think about the good parts in life then sometimes you think about the bad and then there's the sometimes where both the good and bad jumbles up and you're just stumped. Tonight I guess my mind wanders off to the bad part. You know, where I think about the incredibly complicated relationships I have and how I can make everything better but only to realize it's too late. It's all clear now that we have part and there's nothing better than distance and time to cure us off our pain. I used to believe that nothing can take away life's simplicity. Like it's all in your mind. It's true. It's still all in your mind. But of course a different set of mind now. Growing up changes everything. Complicates a lot of things. You think you know something then the next moment you just don't know anymore. Becoming adult is hard. 22 is hard. Tonight is hard. Boo.

Audio test and submission of animation review on Monday and then it will be all over. I can't wait. I thought of a million things I'd do when school's over…

1. ride a bicycle or blade with the company of the sea and a good weather
2. go karaoke at a ridiculously cheap price
3. plan a wild night out with the girls
4. get a job that pays me a 1-month salary enough to go on a vacation
5. tidy up my room and get rid of all the unnecessary junks

Okay. So maybe there isn't a million things but there's definitely more than 6 just that I can't think of it now. I mean, come on, taking out school from my life? Imagine all the freedom I'll get to enjoy and just this thought alone excites me.

I had a really good night out today. Also, I'm done with my FYP this afternoon. I did okay for everything so I guess it marks a good end. Lots of crazy stuff happened in between, both for the better and the worse but I'm really glad I'm finally able to move on to another phase of my life. Mmmmm.... I can see fun is on it's way.